Years ago, when Jess and Ima first started some of their weird conversations about what was going on in the world around them, Jess whipped out his tape recorder and started taping. When Ima asked why he was doing that, he said that someday we might want to share our thoughts with other folks. What follows is one of those conversations, started long ago, but all of a sudden coming up in today’s news.
IMA: Jess, I just found some of those old tapes you made, listened to a few and found out how much we’re still talking about the same things.
JESS: So…!
IMA: Well, you said people might want a Phool’s slant on the news, so I thought I’d share this one with them.
JESS: Oh, yeah. Now we got them coming to Phools Country, what better way to share. But do you think that people will really care what we thought then and now?
IMA: Folks are still reading about what people were talking about back in the 18th and 19th Centuries, so maybe they’d at least read about what was going on 50 years ago.
JESS: I guess that’s possible, as long as they realize that these comments are coming from two old PHOOLS – JESS A. AND IMA!
THIS ONE IS ON THE “ARMS RACE”: and what made IMA remember this old tape was that the President recently said he’d like to send astronauts to the moon in 5 years. The media went on to mention that 50 years ago there was this “race” between the US and Russia to achieve military superiority over each other. This is the discussion that occurred 50 years ago.
IMA: Jess, explain this to me again! We’re having all kinds of troubles and the Talkin’ Heads on TV keep saying that the U.S. and Russia are “raising their arms”! For what? To see if their deodorants went home before they did? HA! HA!
JESS: Naw, Ima – they’re saying ‘Race”, “Arms Race”.
IMA: Oh, is that anything like a foot race or a gunny sack race – or like ‘Indian rasslin’ – you know, only using their arms?
JESS: No, no. These arms are military weapons. And the “race” they mean is to see who can have the most guns and stuff — us or them. You see, if Russia has more than us, they’ll come and take us over — or at least that what somebody said.
IMA : Well, who’s ahead so far?
JESS: If you listen to some folks, they say that Russia’s ahead, because they have the power to kill everyone in the world 5 times, while the US can only kill everyone 2 1/2 times. These folks say that Russia is ahead because they can do it on the first strike and we don’t have enough power to keep them from doing it. And some folks are saying that Russia is ahead because our equipment is all outdated and rusty and our soldiers are lazy, incompetent, and those that aren’t are on drugs, and …
IMA: Hold it, hold it, just hold it! So far all you’ve said is that Russia is ahead of us. What about those who say the US is ahead?
JESS: Well, that’s not exactly what some of ’em are saying — what they’re saying is that we’re not behind! I mean they’re saying that we’re equal; since we can kill everybody at least once, we’re not behind … or something like that.
IMA: Okay, but this business about being able to kill off everybody the first time around is strange. If that’s true, what difference does it make who fires second? And if we’ve both got the ability to kill everybody more than once, then what’s the good of 3 or 4 times more ability to do that? I mean, dead is dead, isn’t it?
IMA: And get this – IF it’s true that Russia said she’s gonna bury us or take us over, or something, and IF it’s true that our equipment and soldiers are in such bad shape, then tell me why hasn’t Russia ALREADY done whatever the folks keep saying she’s GONNA do? I don’t think they’re stupid. Seems to me things couldn’t get any better for them than now — so what are they waiting for?
JESS: I have no idea why Russia would wait till we caught up. And I guess those who are against us racing are saying that we may not be in front, but so what, no one can win anyway.
IMA: Well, somebody’s sure sounding like they’re nuts. If the US is already ahead, then we don’t need no more arms. And if Russia is already ahead, why hasn’t she made her move? But, hey, those are smarter folks than me and they oughta be able to figure that out – unless they just want the US public to be the last to know what’s really going on. After all, what do I know — IMA PHOOL!