SOLITUDE
I spend my days in solitude,
thoughts grinding in my head,
worming their way through the crevices
of my brain,
tunneling their way through my mind,
conversing with my other selves
arguing the merits of their value.
No one to share them with, they dialogue
with their own obtuse parts,
their fragmented selves,
weaving their tufts into blankets
that smother, then warm, then comfort,
then chill.
Loose ends dangle and pretend to define,
hoping to complete a tapestry,
worthy of recall,
fooling no one,
especially me.
11-16-2003
DOWN INSIDE
I dig deep down into the past,
find darkness, vagueness,
blurred images of what used to be…me.
I stare long and hard,
try to discern
what once was…me.
Small lights flicker,
flame and die,
snuffed out by ancients puffs of
ego;
withering hands pull back the curtains
hiding…me,
revealing embers of dead dreams,
long-forgotten plans, visions.
Shards of broken pledges to myself
of what was to be…me
still lying scattered about the past,
forgotten, now remembered;
too late to sweep them up,
glue them back
or create anew?
Each moment is a new beginning,
a whole new life
on a whole new doorstep
in a whole new doorway
waiting to be entered;
a whole new path
waiting to be walked,
opens up to… me.
2-23-2004
EMPATHETIC
My whole soul aches
when I consider
man’s inhumanity to man.
Rage takes over to obliterate
this mirror of
our hate,
our fear,
our insecurity,
our uncertainty.
Tears burn,
eyes blur as I weep
for the divine
of our-selves,
the demise
of our-selves,
the destruction…
of our-selves.
3-21-2004
CAUGHT
My disorganization is catching up with me.
Trapped like a fly in a spider’s web,
overwhelmed by stuff,–
Tar Baby and the weasel,–
locked in my own interests and seeking,
fighting my way out of a plastic bag
that does not yield,
only stretches.
Smothered in idle pieces of memorabilia,
sinking in memories I don’t want to let go of,
drowning in life and life’s stuff.
Given this all-consuming interest
in so many things,
it’s strangling me!
Head swimming, foggy, trying to locate something
that needs to be dealt with now.
It was where I put it when I gathered it,
now replaced by other stuff
that was important at the time.
Too much time – a day? – has passed since
it was gathered
and now it can’t be used
because it can’t be found!
Whittle it down!
There’s got to be light at the end of this tunnel,
that is, if this is a tunnel and not a cave and
that is a light and not an oncoming train.
6-15-2006.