JESS A. AND IMA TALK

(Some conversations between Jess and Ima from a long time ago…and guess what? They are still relevant, today! Isn’t that amazing that so much time has passed, but the same issues are still with us. )

IMA: Jess, do you know what I heard the other day on the radio?

IMA: I heard that the government is paying some people $2000 a day to store a lot of surplus food. They said they can’t afford to pay $10 a day to distribute it to the needy.

JESS: I can’t imagine.

JESS: Kinda makes you wonder just how much money the government spent in the Poverty Program to get the poor people out of poverty, doesn’t it?

IMA’s comment about the WAR ON DRUGS:

Sometimes it seems the police or law enforcement is at a loss trying to figure out how to get rid of drug dealers, drug houses, prostitution, and other illegal activities that seem to plague certain neighborhoods. Maybe they could just pretend that those ‘undesirables’ were the Black Panthers or the protesters at the 1968 Democratic National Convention, or the Civil Rights Marchers back in the day. They sure did figure out how to deal with them!

Phool’s Viewpoint on INFLATION:

JESS: Ima, I keep hearing on the news that there’s no inflation because the prices for goods are still the same as a few years ago.

IMA: I heard that too, and the last time I shopped I found out that the prices were the same as they were before…except the pound of coffee was now only 15 ounces, and I even saw one brand that was only 13.5 ounces; same size can, same price but a whole lot less coffee.

JESS: Did you find any other things like that?

IMA: Yep; what used to be a 5-pound bag of sugar is now 4 pounds…for the same price it used to be; and a tin of your brown shoe polish now has 1/3 less polish … for the same price it used to be; and even the toilet paper sheets are 13 l/2 by 13 l/2 inches instead of 14 x 14 … and, yep at the same price it used to be!

JESS: Oh yeah, that last candy bar I bought was nearly a dollar but the bar was so thin you could almost see through it.

IMA: I guess the BIG THEY are just trying to convince us that there’s NO INFLATION because the prices are the same; but folks are smart enough to know that we are getting a lot less substance for our money…just like our fixed incomes are purchasing a lot less for the money we’re living on ..; so I guess since our incomes haven’t gotten bigger, there’s no inflation there, either, huh?

JUST FOR FUN

IMA: Jess, do you remember the joke the man told us the other day about the termite?

JESS: Nope, you gonna tell me?

IMA: “What did the termite say when he entered the Tavern?”

JESS: Don’t know!

IMA: He said “Where is the Bartender?”

JESS: Oh, yeah, I remember how much I laughed; and then he told us another one. Do you remember that one?

IMA: Yep. “What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?”

JESS: Cracked me up when he told us “Same middle name”!

(The following are “funnies” we heard a long time ago and they have a name, but we forget. We find ourselves repeating them quite often and thought we’d share these with our readers)

• An art student asks his instructor if his canvas is stretched too tight. His instructor replies, “No, it’s TOO LOOSE, LA TREC!”
• How can you stand to be seen writing and composing in that LEWD WIG, BEETHOVEN?
• VINCENT, where does that green VAN GO? Same place the ESCARGOT!
• She’d better return all that marching band music before JOHN PHILLIP SOUSA.
• Your Chorale Works provide ZE BASTION, BACH.
• You just returned from painting natives on the island and you’re ready to GO AGAIN!
• If you don’t stash that violin, ARTHUR, folks may think you want to be a FIEDLER.
• No doubt she’s named the Belle of this Ball, because she is a great looking DEB, YOU SEE!

MIXED MESSAGE, PERHAPS?

1. ATTENTION: THE SURGEON GENERAL REPORTS THAT SMOKING INCREASES THE RISK OF LUNG CANCER BY A LARGE PERCENT …
2. THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT AGREED TODAY TO SUBSIDIZE THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY.

AND ANOTHER …

1. THE GOVERNMENT RECOMMENDS EACH CITIZEN DECREASE INDIVIDUAL GAS CONSUMPTION BY SEEKING PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION, CARPOOLING AND USING LESS CONSUMPTIVE MEANS OF VACATION TRAVEL.
2. THE GOVERNMENT VOTED TO DISCONTINUE 3/4 OF THE AM TRAK ROUTES, AND NOT BAIL OUT PENN CENTRAL.

AND ONE MORE … Message instructions delivered over the phone from an automated service…”IF YOU ARE NOT AT HOME AND UNABLE TO RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE, PLEASE PRESS ONE”!